It was a test for…. stuff, and the portion I was doing was asking questions in this format; “Is this sentence grammatically correct; The boy are good writers” and asking me whether it was grammatically correct.
And it turns out some of them weren’t SUPPOSED to be grammatically incorrect. But they were poorly worded; something that your teacher would tell you to correct even though technically it’s not wrong.
So I ended up arguing that some of the ‘there are no flaws in this sentence’ answers definitely had flaws, like “Thousands of people came to the arena, driving in their cars” should be “Thousands of people drove to the arena in their cars.”
But apparently that wasn’t supposed to be incorrect so apparently I’m too critical/nitpicky/perfectionist for the test, so I ended up only getting a little done because about 75% of the test was me arguing that the test takers clearly had no right to be testing peoples grammar when they themselves write incorrectly.
In the end all the test proved was that I’m a pedantic nitpicker.
I’m going to talk about the most depressing episode of this series. Because I like the pain.
A London Carol.
I will lay down my piece; this is probably my favorite episode in the series because I sobbed. Hard. I really did. I still do.
From the title you can probably guess that it’s a Christmas Carol, but that’s a given. It’s all pretty standard up until the ghost of Christmas future shit, and that’s where it just gets horrifyingly depressing. I’m only covering the sad parts here, so there’s a little skipping of the ‘where they are now’ part as it doesn’t apply to how hideously sad it is.
It starts off fairly funny with London obviously being horrified at the concept of being old, but then Old!London checks under her Christmas tree and looks at the bars of gold and milk she laid out the night before and goes
"Santa forgot me again?… Bah humbug…"
It’s kind of a little funny that she’s old and yet still believes in Santa, and of course the fact that it’s just her in a grey wig, but… the shaky and utterly pathetic way she says the first part really gets me. She sounds heartbroken. And this is apparently her life now. No presents… for who knows how long.
Young!London turns back to the mirror and asks this question of it.
"Nobody got me anything?… What about Moseby? He never forgets to get me something!"
And I thought; “Oh no… please don’t let this go where I think this is going. Please.”. I thought they wouldn’t. I hoped, for the sake of my sanity, that Moseby was going to show up, ridiculously old and going ‘screw you London!’. It would still be cruel, but…. it would be funny. It would dampen the blow. But….
"I’m afraid he’s managing that big hotel in the sky."
"There are floating hotels in the future?"
No. They didn’t. They really didn’t. Tell me they didn’t. Please. Let that be a literal gag. Make London right. Please. For once, please let London’s stupid assumption be right?
"….Yeah…..That’s what I meant."
They did. They really did. I know it’s just a logical extension, but there’s something hideously cruel about having London’s father figure being dead, and especially how it flies over her head, it just… it’s depressing. She has no idea what he’s talking about. It’s meant to be funny that she misses the point so utterly, but…. she has no idea. That’s… it’s sad.
And it gets worse.
Old!London calls her ‘friend’. I’m bracing for what’s coming, but it still hurts.
"…Bailey?…. It’s London!"
The look of hesitant happiness on her face when Bailey picks up… I’m hoping for happiness. Please let it be happy. Please.
"London? Look, if you’re calling me to tell me how hideous I look, it’s not funny anymore. Look, I can’t talk right now, I’m having my fiftieth wedding anniversary with my husband."
-Cut out the introduction of Old!Cody.
"Who are you calling?"
"Tipton? Hang up!"
There’s something really cruel about this, Just the way he says it. Whatever happened in this alternate world, this is just… no. No one deserves to be alone.
"I’m sorry I didn’t send you a Christmas present, but after sixty years of not getting one back, I decided enough was enough! (Cut Gag)
"You give her heck, honey!"
I admit that it is a bit dampened by the joking atmosphere and the fact that it’s just the actors pretending to be old, but… no amount of jokingness can pull me away from the fact that this is supposedly London’s life. Everyone hates her. The boys who she watched grow up, her best ‘friend’, everyone who she grew up with now want nothing to do with her. The only person who would still care about her is dead, and she is alone. This is… It’s not ok. No one deserves this, expecially someone as innocent and genuinely lost as London. She needs people around her to help her and make sure she becomes a better person, and the idea that everyone abandons her just plain fucking HURTS.
There’s a bit of genuinely funny (and risque) dialogue with Old!Zack, but all that we need to focus on is the last bit, where Bailey and Cody profess that they’re so glad they have each other. It cuts back to Old!London on the phone, hanging up. She heard everything.
The look of utter heartbreak on her face kills me. But I didn’t cry (ok I totally did by the ‘Moseby is dead’ lines but whatever) until she puts the phone down, and in the most heartbreaking, soulrendingly shaky voice, says:
"…I…I have nobody…"
Not only is the way she says it heartbreaking, the utter look of despair and realization on Old!London’s face broke me.
She just puts her hands on her face and breaks down into desperate, quiet sobs, realizing how utterly alone she is. She has no one.
Young!London looks at this wreck of a woman and nervously asks the mirror a question
"That’s awful… Am I really going to be that alone when I’m old?"
The mirror doesn’t respond, and she wakes up. They never address this again. The rest of the episode is standard, but I guarantee that all you can think about is this soulrending and terrifying look into most everyone’s biggest fear; dying alone. Old!London’s horrific future is hopefully gone due to her actions to change it, but…. what would have been? There’s nothing for Old!London to do. Everyone in her life hates her and she’s likely to die soon. She will be alone, abandoned by all her friends. Forever.
And… And that’s just… I’m chopping onions, I swear
do you ever feel like you love a character more than their own writers do
I know I do
my character is literally never seen and yet I can’t even stop thinking about my poor baby. I have built up a love for a character that is only mentioned once in the entire series.
Nathaniel has taken over my life
I’m not even sure I can call it my life
Samkota has to share me now.
Can I publish this please
Shawn’s home life is beautiful and I’m not sure if I have anything to add
What if Shawn was left home alone on accident and he came across Five Night’s at Freddy’s?
The house would be LOCKED RIGHT DOWN
Shawn turned off everything in the house - if electricity is limited, he’s not going to waste it on ceiling fans
His parents came to the window, he screamed “YOU’LL NEVER MAKE ME ONE OF YOU!” and slammed a metal door on the window shut
That metal door was not there when his parents left
Shawn singlehandedly keeps the local metalworks shop open with his insane metal door needs.
His parents have tried to keep him from buying them, but he just orders them off the internet if he doesn’t get them locally, and Shawn tends to trust random guys on Craigslist more than his parents. The logic has not sunk in yet.
He’s on first name basis with every home defense shop in the county.
"That one creep" counts as first name basis, right?
Can I publish this please
Shawn’s home life is beautiful and I’m not sure if I have anything to add
Pray for Shawn’s parents
pray for them
"Ok, so how old is your son?"
"….Why do you need me to babysit a 16 year old?"
"You’ll know when you get inside."
The second she stepped inside, she was caught in a snare.
"Who are you and who do you work for?"
"….I don’t get paid enough for this."
Shawn let her down on the condition that she had to stay at least five feet away from him at all times.
She was very happy to do so.
He ended up hiding behind the couch, occasionally popping up and looking at her like this:
I can confirm that Scarlett did this, Irk.
But she was pragmatic. Clearly she would have used yellow water. There’s no reason to use actual pee when warm water is just as effective. And her lab rats were happy to help with the smell. Look, revenge can be gross, but she is not peeing into a bottle when she can just use her lab rats pee and some food dye. It’s easier.
She had no reason to do this, because she never spread the information around. It was purely to humiliate Nathaniel. I’m sure someone at school ‘found out’ but there really wasn’t anywhere to go with how low his reputation was.
I must hate Nathaniel. But every horrible suggestion is something she would do….so…. I’m so sorry, Nathaniel.
- Shawn is no longer allowed to have coffee after an incident involving him, a katana and several gallons of gasoline. No, I’m not going to explain that any further. Figure it out yourself.
- Other things Shawn’s old boss at the bakery used to say include such gems as; “Aliens are actually secretly giving cake recipes to the US government and that’s why those bastards keep winning the international baking competitions”, “There’s a secret clan of ninjas solely dedicated to the thievery of cookies.”, “Thomas Edison stole the idea of the light bulb from his personal chef.” and of course, the always classic “The Illuminati is actually an organization dedicated to the preservation of the ultimate fruit cake.”… Shawn’s old boss had some very weird ideas about how the world works. Shawn spent most of his time working there wondering why the world seemed to revolve around baked goods conspiracies.
- Shawn’s sleep schedule is completely mapped out for every day for the next ten years. He calculated the ideal sleeping times from a measurement of moon cycles, seasonal weather, and governmental broadcasts. His parents don’t understand how he can have time for this and yet still never have his room clean.
- Shawn’s yard still has about fifteen land mines unaccounted for; he has attached a sign that warns people that there is a slight chance that you’ll blow up if you step on the wrong spot. His parents have given up on the lawn and just let Shawn do what he wants with it because he’s the only one who has even the vaguest clue where those landmines are.
- Shawn’s lawn is so overgrown that you can crawl in it and not be spotted. This is completely intentional
- Shawn and Whiskers have a very…. combative relationship. Catfights are very literal in the Jashawn household. That little devil has claws of iron or something.
- Shawn has a list of every possible way zombies could arise, and plans for all of them. Highlights include ‘Florida’s bath salt zombies rise up and eat everyone’s faces’, ‘Stem Cell research accidentally creates stem cell zombies that regenerate endlessly’ and ‘tarantula hawk larvae develop the ability to infest humans’. The solutions are, in order; Quarantine Florida, flamethrowers and finally bug spray.